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Colleen M. Richardson
Week 3: Explaining
Concepts
To view the offensive mascots discussed in the
essay "Sticks and Stones and Sports Teams Names," Check out the following link:
http://nova.stanford.edu/~bbaas/misc/sham.html
Writing a Suitable Thesis Sentence
The thesis sentence of your paper is a crucial element in the success of the writing
assignment. Not just any sentence will work as a thesis. You should make a hard copy of
this for future reference. Following are the criteria which a good thesis should meet.
- Write a statement that requires evidence or support. Some statements are unsuitable
simply because they do not require supporting data to establish whether they are true or
false. The thesis should be worded so that it can be supported with specific details in
the form of written evidence gathered from newspapers, magazines, books, and electronic
sources.
- Write an arguable statement, one that can be challenged, one to which you can imagine
possible objections. In other words, the statement should be at least somewhat debatable.
It should prompt thoughtful readers to ask for an explanation and evidence. Donąt try to
prove something that everyone already knows is true.
- Avoid a thesis that predicts the future. This kind of statement is often very hard to
support. Instead, reword the prediction.
- Avoid negative statements, which get the paper off to the wrong start and invite
contradictory evidence.
- Avoid unintended comparisons. Statements that include comparisons like best, easiest,
or more realistic suggest that you are going to compare your topic to something else,
a comparison which is often unintended.
- Avoid statements that are really only topics in disguise. A thesis statement takes a
position, takes a stand on an issue. Merely saying that a topic is important or
a problem does not make it a thesis statement.
- Avoid a thesis which is too broadly stated. Think about what kind of support would be
required to prove your statement and the projected length of the paper.
- Statements about religious beliefs are usually unsuitable for research writing
assignments. Religion is a matter of faith.
- Avoid a thesis statement that is a compound sentence or two separate sentences. Your
paper should focus on one main position. A thesis that tries to do too much places a heavy
burden on the writer.
- The thesis statement should not be written in the form of a question. Remember, it is a
statement of a position, not an inquiry.
- Make sure that your thesis is a complete sentence, not a fragment.
- Avoid use of the word I in a thesis statement. Your thesis should not be a
statement of personal preference. You will be supporting this statement with objective
evidence.
Student Paper: the following freshman paper uses specific examples to support
the thesis statement in the introductory paragraph.
The Neanderthal Problem
Remains from a race of Homo sapiens commonly referred to as Neanderthal make up a large
portion of the fossil record of early man and date from around 130,000 years ago to around
20,000 years ago. The classic characteristics that define the Neanderthal are a protruding
face, extra thick brow ridges and puffed up cheek bones. Many physical anthropologists
view the Neanderthal as an evolutionary dead end who split off from their predecessors
Homo erectus and then became extinct--with no ties to modern man. The evidence from the
fossil record seems to suggest otherwise. It appears that the Neanderthal were not a
static group, but an evolving link in the chain of progression toward modern man.
One example from the fossil record that suggests Neanderthal is a transition to modern
man is the Swanscombe skull, discovered in 1935 in England. The left and back sides of the
skull are all that remain from this individual, but many details can be extracted from
these fragments. First of all, the bone is thick, much like that of more complete
Neanderthal skulls. Also, the skull is at its widest low and to the rear, which is
characteristic of Neanderthals. Other aspects of the skull suggest a more modern
appearance. The brow ridges are less pronounced than most Neanderthal skulls, and cranial
capacity is around 1350 cubic centimeters, a bit low for Neanderthals, but about right for
modern humans.
Another more complete skull was found in Germany in the area of Steinheim. This skull
was crushed on the right side, but once pieced together, it revealed many interesting
characteristics. The most obvious aspect of the skull is the face; it does not protrude as
much as most Neanderthalsą. The brow ridges, however, are somewhat thick. This mix of
traits obviously makes a transition from primitive to modern. The cranial capacity is
about the same as the Swanscombe skull, showing further transition to a modern form.
Further evidence of the Neanderthals’ close relationship to Homo sapiens can be
seen from their wide geographical distribution. The evidence can get tricky here because
many physical anthropologists limit their use of the term Neanderthal to those
fossils found around the Neander Valley in Germany. Most, however, will call any hominid
with Neanderthal characteristics and existing roughly within the same time period a
Neanderthal. To get back to the point, Neanderthal remains have been unearthed in Africa,
Greece, Germany, France, and the Near East. It would seem that if Neanderthals were a
static, non-evolving race, they should be geographically limited to a certain extent. Most
hominid species become extinct through isolation long before man was the main destructive
force. The Neanderthal were not isolated, however, and more than likely they evolved and
interbred with other groups, playing a vital role in our own evolutionary history.
The study of physical anthropology is not an easy one. It is an exact science, but one
with extremely limited data. While no one can be sure exactly what happened to the
Neanderthal, the majority of the evidence links the species to modern men. Of course this
is far from being a proved fact, but in the long run, after more fossils have been found
and more data acquired, we should be able to see more clearly Neanderthal’s
connection with modern man.
Comments: this well-written five-paragraph essay contains a nice introduction
and conclusion with three body paragraphs devoted to specific examples. The Swanscombe and
Steinheim skulls are each described in separate paragraphs and support the thesis. The
third body paragraph presents several short examples. The thesis, stated at the end of the
first paragraph, is restated in the conclusion without sounding repetitive. The paragraphs
are fully developed, and the paper contains no glaring spelling, grammatical, or
punctuation errors. Notice that coherence within the paper is ensured through the use of
certain words and phrases and judicious repetition.
Review of essay writing.
- Title your paper with an original title. Do not underline and do not use quotation
marks.
- Your thesis statement should be near the end of the introductory paragraph. The thesis
should spring from the article and thus should be related to it.
- Choose a specific introductory technique for your essay and develop it to its full
potential. Don't be lazy about this. This technique should lead naturally to your thesis.
- Your paper should include three fully developed body paragraphs. No specific number of
words or pages is required; however, a short, skimpy paper will not be generously graded.
SAY SOMETHING! Your writing will be much more effective if you are interested in and
excited about your subject!
- The body paragraphs should be arranged in some kind of effective order. Think about what
should come first and what would naturally follow.
- Think about using transitions between paragraphs, not just the obvious ones like first,
second, and third. Let the opening sentence of the paragraph lead from the previous
concept to the following one.
- A separate, developed concluding paragraph is essential.
- Proofread, revise, and rewrite if necessary.
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